In Pursuit of Contentment pt 2

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" Philippians 3:8

The journey to contentment is not fun. In fact, since I have begun to make a purposeful effort to seek God in this area, I would have to admit that I have grown more discontent with life. So much so that earlier this week I threw my hands up and decided that I was done with at all. No more struggle, no more sacrifice, no more disappointment, no more lack of fulfillment. If God was not going to answer my prayers and instead continue to allow me to hurt and to feel as though what I desire does not matter to Him, then I wanted out of the relationship. I wanted to be free to pursue a path that would bring satisfaction and prosperity and significance. Even if it was not in the ministry. Surely ministry is not the only way to affect lives. There must be a way that I can still make a difference without feeling so miserable on the inside all the time. I want my life to count for something. I want to know at the end of the road that I have fulfilled my purpose. That I will be leaving a legacy. I want something more than what I have right now.

And that is really what it is all about, isn't it? We make the misguided assumption often times that discontentment comes from a place of greed or lust or pride. If we are discontent, then it must be because of the evil or sinful desires we are harboring. It must be because our priorities are out of whack. Or maybe it is because we don't appreciate what we have. I have heard these arguments, variations of these arguments and many others with regards to why Christians are discontent. I do not doubt that in some cases they are true. I have been guilty of most, if not all, of them myself.

But what about those of us who do not chase after earthly riches or pleasures of the flesh? What if we are sincerely grateful for what we have been blessed with? What if our source of discontentment has nothing to do with any of the aforementioned arguments? What if we are in this place because of unfulfilled desires that are good and noble and godly? What if the very longing we experience is a longing God himself gave us in the first place? Then, I believe, the challenge is intensified. We know that if we are seeking after those things which are outside of the will of God for our lives, then we are likely to experience strife and heartache. We know that if we have motives other than those which God would approve of, then we can expect not to be answered the way we would like.

But when what we desire is something that we believe is from God and that will ultimately glorify Him and encourage others, the lack of fulfillment of those desires is puzzling to say the least. Now come the questions. Why give me the desires in the first place if you never intended to satisfy them? Why won't you answer my prayers? Why don't you care about my life? What am I doing here if I am not able to make a difference? Why are you preventing me from walking out my calling? Why are you withholding your favor and blessing from me? Why am I not seeing the promises of your Word come to pass in my life? And the list goes on and on. Likely, your questions differ from mine depending on the journey God has you on. Regardless of the question, however, the end result is often going to be the same.

While the desires we started out with may not be sinful in and of themselves, focusing on not getting what we want is dangerous. When we began to see more of what God has not done than what he has done, we step onto a slippery slope. Before long we are not only questioning his actions (or lack thereof), but his very character. Left unchecked, these questions can begin to make us wonder if God really does love us. We start to see that he is fulfilling desires and dreams and answering prayers all around us while we sit waiting for our turn. We begin to envy what everyone else has. We begin to think that God cannot be trusted with our lives because he will just take everything away and we will be left to merely exist, devoid of all purpose, passion and prosperity. And don't be fooled: this can happen a lot quicker than you might think. Thoughts of everything we do not have will soon turn to thoughts of what God has not done, which will soon turn to thoughts of who he is not.

I say all of that to say this: this week when I melted down and decided to give God an ultimatum (show me your love the way I want to see it, or else), he began to show me what was really in my heart. I thought it was all his fault. I questioned his love, faithfulness and generosity. Then, when I took time to breath between rant sessions, he took the opportunity to turn my gaze inward. My desires and dreams are not wrong. If fact, I know they are from God. But even something that is a gift from my heavenly Father can become a god if I allow it. I saw the dream. I saw what God wanted to do in, for and through me and I got excited about it. But as time passed and things did not unfold the way I wanted them to, I got discouraged. My focus shifted. No longer was I looking to him to be my sufficiency from day to day. I was looking to him merely to give me the promise. I allowed what he could do for me to become more important that who he was to me. Eventually, I saw him as cold, uncaring, stingy and negligent because he had not done what I thought he should have done when I thought he should have done it. All the while I was growing angry and cold toward him, he was patiently waiting for me to turn my heart back to him so he could show me the truth.

Maybe the source of your discontentment is different than mine. No matter why you are where you are, ask the Holy Spirit to show you your own heart first. What are the real motives behind what you are asking for? Has your relationship with God become conditional depending on what he will do for you? Has the gift become more valuable in your eyes than the Giver? It's okay to say yes. When we relent to see the truth, God can help us make it right. If we ask him to take his rightful place in our lives, with nothing competing for our attention, he will draw our eyes and hearts back to him and lesser things will once again begin to fade into the background. Being content comes from knowing that we have already received the greatest gift we could ever think to ask for: Jesus Christ. Nothing else compares. We need only to acknowledge that we have drifted, repent and ask to be transformed into people who can truly say "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ".